I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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