My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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