an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
