can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
