His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
