I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
