Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Randomize
