you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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