I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
