my soul wont recognize me after tonight
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
