I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
