I want to stick my p in your. b.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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