i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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