Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
