You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize