I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
