After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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