): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
