Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize