dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
