i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
