what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's blow job season.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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