I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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