he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
