there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
