It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
