I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
