Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVEâ€
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
