you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Two words: blizzard sex
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
