R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
