Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
