apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
