the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
