Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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