We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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