Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
