Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
