quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
