the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
