oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
