I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
