Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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