My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
