I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
