so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
