So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
