I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
