3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize