Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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