You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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