My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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