Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
