If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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