We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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