i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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