She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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