I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
