How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
