Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
tell me about the fingering
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