A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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