ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
