4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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