I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
