'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
