Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
