what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
