I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You ate ashes out of my bong
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
