when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize